Our Tribute To Our Son, Trenton Matthew

By Janet & Curtis Brown

After having my second miscarriage (sixth pregnancy) in August of 2001, our doctor suggested to my husband, Curtis, and I that we not rush into the decision concerning future children. In fact, since my uterus would still be healing and would not be ready for another pregnancy, he strongly advised us not to even think about getting pregnant again for another 3 or 4 months. Imagine our shock, and delight, when we discovered in November that our birth control had failed us and we were pregnant once again! This was especially surprising since Curtis and I had been through 3• years of infertility treatments before finally getting pregnant with our 3PrdP child. Because of the surprise, we knew from the very moment we saw the positive pregnancy test that this was God’s will, and the Lord had a very special plan and purpose for this baby!

Since our previous miscarriages had occurred fairly late (13 and 15 weeks), our doctor knew about our concerns for this pregnancy. Early sonograms (at 7 and 11 weeks) showed that our baby was due July 19, 2002, and everything appeared fine. Our doctor agreed to another sonogram at 15 weeks. I was so anxious to have this third sonogram, to see the baby’s movement and heartbeat, and to have the reassurance and peace that everything was okay.

Due to the ice storms in Kansas City, this much-awaited sonogram was postponed for 2 weeks, so I was now 17 weeks into the pregnancy. For some reason, I had trouble sleeping the 2 nights before this sonogram. I was already feeling the baby move some, but not too often, and not very strong. I kept thinking about different things that could be wrong.

Because we expected to be able to determine the sex of our baby, we invited our oldest daughter, Kelsey, to come with us. At the sonogram we were thrilled to see the heartbeat right away, also the baby moving. Next, our sonographer asked if we wanted to know the sex. She was able to tell us immediately that we were going to have a son! Wow! We already had two boys and two girls (boy, girl, boy, girl), and now another boy (it fit our pattern). We assumed that after she determined the baby’s sex, the sonogram would be over. However, she continued, spending lots of time taking pictures, and saying the baby wasn’t cooperating for her to get the angle that she needed. I asked her what she was looking for, she answered she was trying to see what was on the other side of the cord. I just accepted that, and didn’t ask any more questions.

After the sonogram, Curtis went back to work and I saw our doctor for my regular monthly appointment. He explained that the sonogram showed something was wrong (there was an “echogenic bowel-like area near the fetal abdomen”). They suspected our baby had “gastroschisis”, meaning that the bowels were developing outside his body. They wanted to confirm these findings with a “higher fidelity” sonogram machine at the hospital. They made us an appointment for the next week with the perinatologist.

So, after going in and hoping to find out that our baby was developing perfectly, we received very confusing news. How I wished I hadn’t asked for this sonogram! After taking Kelsey back to school, I called Curtis at work. I could hardly tell him the news through my tears. He immediately went on the Internet and looked up echogenic bowel and gastroschisis. We found out that an echogenic bowel is a “soft” marker for Down Syndrome, and gained a better understanding about what gastroschisis is and the procedures to correct it. We were most fearful about the echogenic bowel and what it might mean.

Now the eternal wait for the next sonogram began, also lots of prayers. Since I’d known from the beginning that this baby was the Lord’s, it just
didn’t make sense that something might possibly be wrong. I went from feeling a peace about it, to thinking about the worst that might happen, to thinking that the sonogram was wrong and our precious little boy was fine.

I was so scared.

Our sonogram at the hospital showed there was no sign of gastroschisis, for which we were very thankful. However, the presence of echogenic bowel was significant. Also, our baby measured 1• weeks smaller than he should have. We now had two soft markers for Down Syndrome. The specialist gave us a 90-95% Cchance Cof having a healthy baby. But as selfish parents, we were very concerned about the 5-10% chance of problems. At the time, Down Syndrome was our greatest concern, and was basically the limit to our understanding of chromosomal abnormalities. He asked us if we wanted to have an amniocentesis done, but we knew what many use amnio results for, and that was never an option for us. God has the sovereign right to create, sustain, and end life. It was easy for us to decline, plus I wasn’t crazy about going through the procedure. Another sonogram was scheduled at the hospital in two weeks.

As Christians, we held to these beliefs as central to our faith – that God is in control, that God is entirely good, and that God is full of grace. So, we prayed! We shared our news and prayer request with our family, friends, and church. I prayed so fervently that the echogenic bowel would disappear, and that the baby’s measurements would improve. Unfortunately, that would not be the case.

At our next sonogram with the perinatologist, we were told was that the echogenic bowel was still significant, and our baby still measured smaller than he should. I was so confused and disappointed! I had been praying so hard that both of these would be corrected, and that our baby would be 100% whole and healthy now. I honestly had such a peace about it when we went in to this appointment. Then the specialist told us more devastating news. He had found a heart problem, an Atrial Septal Defect, along with possibly another heart defect. He also detected, and it was very obvious to us, that our baby had “bilateral clubbed feet”. He stated that heart defects are very prevalent with chromosomal abnormal babies, in which the most common was Down Syndrome. He was very honest with us, and stated that on our last sonogram he saw “smoke”, but this time he saw “fire”.

We went numb. We wept. The reality of our baby’s situation had started. He asked again about an amnio, but we were still against it. We felt like the baby had enough problems, and we didn’t want to put him through any additional risks. He wanted us to come back in 2 weeks for another sonogram. He also referred us to a Pediatric Cardiologist, since it appeared our baby would need heart surgery following his birth.

We were so heartbroken, devastated, and confused. There are simply no words to describe how we felt. I would look at my stomach and think that this was all so wrong, that this couldn’t really be going on inside me. But, we had seen for ourselves that it was true. Now we questioned God. If God is in control, why the “mistake” with our baby’s development? If God is good, how could this happen to an innocent baby? If God is full of grace, why the tragedy and grief? But still, we were so thankful that we had the Lord to cry out to and to lean on. What else could we do?

We then knew that we needed to decide on a name for our precious son. For whatever reason, we had waited until the last months of pregnancy before we had decided on and/or announced our other baby’s names. This time, we felt a sense of urgency. I had always liked the name Matthew, which means “Gift from God”. Our other sons are named Tyler and Austin, so we felt that we wanted to continue this “Texas” theme with our third son. Curtis looked over the Texas map and came up with a few suggestions. We chose the name Trenton Matthew Brown. We later learned that the meaning of Trenton is “outpouring” or “torrent”. Trenton Matthew – outpouring of gifts from God.

Our next sonogram was with our initial sonographer. The doctor’s office was evaluating a new machine for future purchase, and asked if we would consider being scanned during this trial period. Of course we jumped at the chance. When we arrived for our appointment, the sonographer asked if we would mind if the doctor that specialized in “high-risk” pregnancies came in, we immediately agreed. During the sonogram they confirmed what the hospital had found plus more, including excessive amniotic fluid and inconsistency in Trenton’s measurements. I remember lying on the table wondering what else could possibly be wrong.

It was at this appointment, at 21 weeks, that we discussed the many fetal abnormalities. Indications were pointing to a chromosome abnormality, whereas Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21) is the most common. The next predominate chromosomal abnormalities are Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13, both of which are incompatible with life. Curtis asked which abnormalities were associated with clubbed feet. The specialist left the room and returned with a 3-inch thick medical book that described thousands of abnormalities, and had many pictures that you never want to see. He showed us a list of abnormalities associated with clubbed feet. Down Syndrome was missing from that list, but both Trisomy 18 and 13 were there. That was when Curtis was convinced that we had a very high probability of a fatal abnormality.

It was later that evening that we decided to have an amniocentesis. The amnio would tell us which chromosomal abnormality our son had, but not the extent of the abnormalities. We now felt that by gaining this knowledge, we would be better prepared for Trenton and for what was ahead of us.

The amnio was performed the next afternoon. Afterwards, the doctor told us that when we received the results, he would go through genetic counseling with us, and offered more genetic counseling at the children’s hospital. He wanted to make sure that we were taking care of ourselves, of each other, and our children. It would also help us prepare for what lay ahead of us, and possibly to prepare us to say “hello” and “goodbye” to our baby at the same time.

I had a peace that having the amnio done was the right thing. We continued to pray, and began our long two-week wait to receive the results. I knew I would be a nervous wreck the closer the time got for the results to be back. We prayed and asked the Lord to work a miracle in Trenton’s life, because we knew He is fully capable of doing that! But we also knew that we would accept the outcome that was His will, and would give Him the glory for whatever was ahead of us.
The day before we got our amnio results, we had another sonogram at the hospital. It showed everything was still the same. During the sonogram, we found out the perinatologist’ primary motive for scheduling this appointment was to again encourage us to have an amino performed. After he found out that we had already one, he did not spend much time with us. At one point during our short sonogram he concentrated on Trenton’s profile. Kelsey exclaimed, “How cute!” She was absolutely right, what a darling boy!

As we were leaving the office, the nurse gave us a book and said we might want to look over it. It wasn’t until after we had left that we realized it was mostly about abortion (or “interrupting the pregnancy”, as the book called it)! I was so hurt that they thought we would consider that, but knew that it was a secular view that if something isn’t perfect, you just get rid of it. To me, that seemed like squelching God’s power to perform a mighty miracle and alter God’s plans.

Exactly two weeks after our amnio, we received the heartbreaking results. It revealed that our precious son had Trisomy 18 (an extra 18PthP chromosome), a rare, fatal, chromosomal abnormality. The doctor told us we would either lose our little boy before, during, or shortly after birth. Of the Trisomy 18 babies that do survive pregnancy and birth, 50% die within the first week, and 90% die within the first 6 months of life. Knowing that the amnio results are 99% accurate when a problem is found, our last hopes for a healthy baby were gone. I felt as if someone had ripped my heart into pieces. We felt as if this were the worst day of our lives.

The doctor told us we needed to be making some difficult decisions (regarding how we wanted to handle the labor and delivery, also about a memorial service vs. graveside service vs. funeral, etc.), but of course all the decisions would be based on different scenarios. These are definitely not choices you think you’ll have to make when you’re pregnant!

He also told us that he was obligated to tell us that abortion was one of our options, even though he already knew what our answer would be. By then he knew us well enough to know that abortion was not an option! God had created this little baby, who were we to end his life? He went on to tell us that I should monitor how often I felt our baby move, and to call him if I hadn’t felt him move for whatever amount of time we decided on (12 hours, 24 hours, etc.). At this time, Trenton seemed so active and energetic; it was so hard to imagine him having something so seriously wrong.

I had asked our doctor if we could have a copy of the amnio report. When I saw the results written in black and white it seemed to make it so much more real. I was starting to get over the initial shock, but now I was starting to get angry that this was happening to us.

Although I still trusted God with everything, I wished I could make some sense out of what was going on. I wondered why God would give us this “miracle baby” just to take him away so soon. It all seemed like too much to handle, especially knowing it could go on for four more months. I knew for certain that everything was in the Lord’s hands, and Trenton and I were in His care, but some days everything seemed absolutely unbearable.

After hearing of Trenton’s condition, a friend told me about Alexandra’s House. She wanted me to get in touch with Patti Lewis, the founder. As hard as it was, I called Patti that week. I think there were two reasons it was hard for me. Not only did it mean telling someone our baby had problems, but I was also asking for help. After we visited, I was so thankful I had called. Patti shared with me about how Alexandra’s House was started, told me some about what she does to help and support the families, and sent us more information.

Patti and I were able to meet in person soon after. She immediately put me at ease, and we visited for two hours! She gave me suggestions on what to do to prepare for Trenton’s birth (such as writing a birth plan for the doctor and hospital), also ways to help our family grieve our upcoming loss. She offered to do whatever she could for us, including what I called our “dirty work”. (She called people at the funeral home and cemetery to let them know of our situation and see what they could do to help us. These were things I knew I could not do myself.) It simply amazed me that there was someone who was willing to do this for us!

Our next sonogram, at 32 weeks, again revealed even more problems. The sonographer saw several small pockets of fluid on his brain (hydrocephalus). Trenton measured 2 pounds, 13 ounces, approximately 3-4 weeks smaller than he should have been. He was breech, so I was facing the possibility of having a C-Section for his delivery. Curtis and I had discussed this, and agreed that we would have a C-Section if it looked like Trenton would be under too much stress and possibly not be able to survive a vaginal delivery. We so desperately wanted a live birth, which is exactly what we had been praying for since we found out Trenton had Trisomy 18. We wanted to be able to spend whatever amount of precious time we could with him during his short life.

I was now going to the doctor every week to have Non-Stress Tests (NST) and sonograms. The tests were showing that Trenton was doing as well as possible, and tolerating all of my Braxton-Hicks contractions well. I wondered if I could ask to have a test done on me, to see how I was tolerating everything!

My sonogram at 35 weeks gave both good and bad news. The bad news was that more problems were found (a dilated kidney, also a portion of his brain appeared to be missing). His measurements were very inconsistent; the smallest was now 7 weeks behind. The good news was that Trenton had turned, and was no longer breech! At one point during the sonogram we could tell Trenton was holding onto his umbilical cord. He had the sweetest little face, and pudgy cheeks! Curtis had not gone with me to this appointment, he simply didn’t want to hear and see any more bad news. Knowing we wouldn’t have Trenton with us for very long, I wanted to have as many sonograms as possible. I wanted to “see” him while I could, and try to imagine what kind of personality he might have. My child, whom I loved so much.

The doctor was very pleased that Trenton wasn’t breech any more, and said we could try to have a normal delivery, if it appeared that he wasn’t under too much stress. What an answer to prayer! God was still showing us He was the one in control.

The doctor wanted us to make it 2 more weeks (to 37 weeks), and then he planned to induce labor. He felt like Trenton’s lungs would be developed enough at that point. Also, by inducing labor at that time, it would decrease the risk of a stillbirth if we waited any longer.

The end of my pregnancy was such a difficult time. The excessive amniotic fluid made me so big and uncomfortable. (At 34 weeks I measured 42 weeks. After that, the doctor quit measuring!) I actually felt a relief knowing the pregnancy would soon be over. I hated feeling that way, knowing that it could also very well mean that the end of Trenton’s life on earth was very near, too. Sometimes I was so ready for it to be over, other times I wished I could keep him safe inside me. Even though I knew he would be in a much better place, I was still so selfish.

Exactly one month before my due date, I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. I was so tired of not feeling good, and not knowing when and what was going to happen. I felt so drained, both emotionally and physically. I had absolutely no energy or patience, and felt like I wasn’t being a good wife or mother to our other four children. Also, one specific prayer had been that nothing would happen with Trenton until after our son Austin’s 4PthP birthday, which was that day. The Lord had answered that prayer, and I now felt like I should be ready for something to happen at anytime.

The next day I had another NST at the doctor’s office. It showed Trenton’s heart rate was in the 90’s (it should be in the 120-160 range), and my contractions were not showing up nearly as strong as they felt. After a quick sonogram to check on Trenton’s position, (just in case we had to have an emergency C-section), we went to the hospital to be monitored. This machine showed that everything was fine. I was having regular contractions, but I wasn’t feeling much movement. However, towards the end of the 3-hour test, I felt the strongest kick I ever had from Trenton. Little did I know at the time, but that was to be the last time I would ever feel him move.

The next day I didn’t feel any movement. Although I kept pushing and poking on my stomach, I couldn’t get any response from our son. I was still having some contractions, but not as consistent or severe as they had been before. I was getting very concerned, but dared to hope it was just because there was so much extra amniotic fluid.

The next morning we called our doctor. He sent us to the hospital to see what was going on. We went straight to the Assessment Room, got there right at noon. The nurse didn’t hear a heartbeat on the fetal monitor, so called in the doctor. Knowing how easy it was to find and hear the heartbeat, we immediately knew what had happened. The hospital staff then got the sonogram machine, focused on his heart, and confirmed there was no heartbeat. Our son had died. He would be stillborn.
Curtis and I were completely overcome. We had so desperately wanted to have a live birth, and to spend some precious time with our son. The first phone call Curtis made was to Patti. She said she’d be there for us as soon as she could.

Shortly after being moved to a Labor and Delivery room, the nurses prepared me to induce labor. I shared our birthing plan with them. I was so thankful that we had already decided on what we would like to have done during this time. About 2:00, the doctor started Pitocin in my IV, and then broke my water about 4:00. About 2 hours later I had an epidural, as I was having very strong, consistent contractions by then.

At 8:15 p.m., 6 hours after being induced, Trenton Matthew was born. The nurse immediately held Trenton up for us to see him, but it was a hard angle for me to see, except to notice how purple his skin was. She asked if I wanted to hold him, I asked her to wrap him in a blanket first. I really didn’t know what to expect Trenton to look like, and was very surprised by his appearance. He was so still, and his color was so dark, with deep red rosebud lips. Yet he was so peaceful and warm, and such a perfect fit in my arms. Even though he had many “imperfections”, he was a beautiful little boy.

Curtis and I had some time with Trenton before we invited our family and friends back in our room to see him. It was very humbling to see them holding and loving Trenton. I am so thankful that our oldest children, Tyler and Kelsey, were able to see and hold their baby brother. Austin was able to see him too, and later asked if we had a car seat for Trenton. It was so hard for us to explain to him that we didn’t need one, when we didn’t even understand it ourselves.

We were able to take lots of pictures. Although they were hard to take at the time, they will always be family treasures.

While Curtis took our children home, Patti and another friend stayed with me at the hospital. I was so glad they were there with me. The nurses had taken Trenton to be cleaned, weighed, and measured, and I was thankful not to be alone.

The nurse came back to tell me that Trenton weighed 3 pounds, 15 ounces, and was 17 inches long. What an incredible little boy! She also told me it looked like I’d had “placental abruption”, which meant the placenta had detached from the uterus too soon, thus why Trenton was stillborn.

By the time Curtis got back to the hospital, Trenton and I had both been cleaned up, and we were ready to spend some time together. Patti and Angie stayed and took more pictures for us, and then Curtis and I spent time alone with Trenton after they left. What a very special time for us! I told Curtis I was so proud of Trenton, he was such a fighter. After hearing all of the statistics on Trisomy 18, I really never thought we would make it that far (36 weeks). I am so grateful for the time I got to have him safe inside me.

As we were being dismissed from the hospital two days later, I asked the nurse if she knew if Trenton was still there. She told me she thought he was downstairs in the morgue. I just cried when she said that, and she immediately apologized. I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, and was only speaking the truth, but it just sounded like such a cold answer.

On the way home we stopped by our local newspaper to check on Trenton’s obituary. It was so heartbreaking to read it, I couldn’t help but crying again. We then went to the funeral home. I asked the funeral director if we could see the casket, and cried when he showed it to us. It was beautiful, but so, so, tiny. Patti had told me the casket would look like a treasure chest. She was so right. That’s exactly what it looked like, and that’s exactly what it was. Our final stop before going home was the cemetery, where we saw the stake by Trenton’s plot. And, of course, I cried again. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly have any more tears, more would start to flow.

Later that night Curtis, Kelsey, and I went to the funeral home to see Trenton one last time. Seeing Trenton inside the tiny casket was so overwhelming. He was dressed in the little blue outfit (doll clothes) that I had bought him. We took more pictures, and then I held my Trenton for the last time. It was kind of scary because he was so fragile, but I just had to hold and cuddle him. I didn’t want to regret not loving him the last time I could. It was so hard, but so rewarding. I gently placed Trenron back in his casket, along with the little stuffed lamb I had bought just for him. I told him to have fun with Chris and Jamie (the babies I miscarried), that I loved him, and that I would see him later. I wanted to be the last one to hold him, and the one to put him in his casket.

Trenton’s graveside service was at 9:30 the next morning; over 100 people were there. It was overwhelming to us to see so many people there to honor Trenton! Our pastor did an excellent job, the service was incredible. It was evangelical and several of our non-churched friends heard about the Good News of Jesus Christ. So many people commented on how beautiful the service was, but then, we’d had lots of time to think about what we wanted and make plans.

After a brunch at our church, Kelsey and I went back to the cemetery; of course we were both in tears. Our emotions were so raw, and it didn’t seem real that we had buried our little Trenton that morning. While standing looking at his grave, I told Kelsey it really made me want to go to Heaven. She was very quiet for a while, and then said, “But Mom! We need you here!” I told her I didn’t mean I was ready to go to Heaven for good, I just wanted to go see what Chris, Jamie, and Trenton were doing, to “check on my little ones”.

The cemetery is within walking distance from our home. I know that Trenton’s immortal soul is really in Heaven, but it is very comforting to have his grave so close to us. I now either walk or drive by every day, and have a new route when I’m driving home. Every time I go by Trenton’s grave, I whisper to him that I love him.

Three weeks after Trenton was born, we picked out his grave marker. It says “Trenton Matthew Brown, June 22, 2002. Safe and perfect in arms of Jesus”. It means a lot to me to have that done, since I couldn’t stand Trenton just having the small marker from the funeral home. He deserved so much better.

It has been three months since Trenton was born and why we lost 2 babies in less than one year, we know that His will and His timing are perfect. It doesn’t seem real that all this has happened. We know that God has performed the mighty healing we so fervently prayed for; only He healed Trenton’s body in Heaven, not on earth.

I still get teary-eyed when I think about or talk about Trenton. The tears are of sorrow for myself, but also tears of joy for Trenton. I now realize what a lucky little boy Trenton was, for he went straight from the safety and warmth of my womb, to the safety and warmth of the arms of Jesus! He never knew any pain or suffering. Trenton Matthew was truly a gift from Heaven. He fit the meaning of his name perfectly, for during this time with him we truly received an “outpouring of gifts from God”. We are so, so thankful for him! God continually showed Himself to us during our pregnancy and delivery. He always was, and always will be here for us! He is always faithful!

In closing, we wanted to share the answers to our questions to God. God is in control and He has a purpose for suffering. We witnessed so many times God providing help or providentially providing an event, just to remind us that He was there, along with us. God is good, and from the eternal prospective; the outcome of suffering is good. Suffering is essential, but temporary. It is used for us to persevere, and make us “fit” for the Kingdom of God, to spread the love of God, to advance the Kingdom of God, and to tangibly experience the intimacy of our Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Exodus 4:11 – The Lord said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?”
Romans 9:20-21 – But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “Why did you make me like this?”” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

1 Corinthians 1:27 – But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
Proverbs 17:3 – The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.

Romans 5:3-5: … we also exalt in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

C.S. Lewis said: “It is during such rough periods, … that man is growing into the sort of creature God wants him to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. … Satan’s cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do God’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” Jesus is the ultimate example of this, in obedience, He chose to stay and suffer alone, “forsaken”.

We, Curtis and Janet, honestly believe that we have co-created an eternal soul. Trenton’s time on earth was momentary. He has preceded us to Heaven where his other siblings, Chris and Jamie, welcomed him. We now have three beautiful children waiting for us, to greet us and show us our real home.

I have a plaque that says, “There Is No Greater Joy Than To Know That My Children Walk With The Lord”. I got this after our two older children accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but now it has a two-fold meaning for me, knowing three of our children are already in Heaven, walking with our Lord. Missing out on having Trenton with us here on earth pales to the time we will have with him in Heaven with God.

My Trenton Matthew, I’m so thankful for the time that I was able to carry you, and I’m also very grateful that God chose me to be your Mommy. I carried you beneath my heart for 36 weeks, I’ll carry you in my heart forever.

I’m calling this time with you our “bittersweet journey”. It has been very bitter just knowing that we most likely wouldn’t have you on this earth with us for very long. But, God has also made it a very sweet time for us, knowing that He chose to use our son for some very special plan or purpose. You were such a fighter during this journey, and now you are the winner! Your mission on earth is now accomplished. Well done, Trenton! I’m so very proud of you!

I look forward to the day that I’ll see and hold you again, only the next time will be in Heaven. Until the rest of our family gets there, have fun with Chris and Jamie. I know they are so glad that you are there with them now, and each of you is safe and perfect in the arms of Jesus.

I love you and miss you,
Mommy